Kahlen is in Kindergarten. There. I said it. And I still am having a hard time believing it. For some reason I didn’t think this whole transition into a new school would be hard for me. After all, both of my girls have been going to daycare/Kindercare since they were 8 weeks old. So why would this bother me? It’s really no different than what we’ve been doing the past 5 1/2 years of our lives.
Oh but it is. And let me just start off with saying it is absolutely exhausting. I guess you could say we were spoiled before. The girls would have cereal in the car on the way to “school” (which now to me seems a little more like a daycare), and they would feed them a real breakfast once they got there. They’d provide lunch, a snack, and all of the good things in between. Who knew that getting the girls up, feeding them breakfast, and getting them ready to leave for school by 720 would be that much more difficult than what we were already doing! Well… I can tell you this. They enjoy eating breakfast while watching cartoons. So while I am anxiously looking at the clock, trying to figure out how much time they have before we have to be out the door so Kahlen isn’t “tardy” at school, the girls are taking their grand ole time eating their breakfast and watching whatever happens to be the show of the morning. Care Bears, Sophia, Doc McStuffins. The list could go on and on and on. Have you ever tried to make a toddler/school-aged child eat faster? Especially when Sophia is laughing and dancing in the background? Let’s just say it doesn’t work. And I don’t want to be THAT parent that already has the child that is late to school! So I sit there tapping my toes, biting my fingers, all the while staring at the clock and praying that they finish eating quickly. Oh, but wait. It gets better. I’m also holding my breath while all this is going on because I am waiting for a melt down to occur. These days it’s usually Ashlee. She has become quite the “terrible two” with her attitude. She wants everything that “sissy” has and everything in-between. “I want the purple plate mom.” “No mom not that spoon”. Who knew that picking out dishes for breakfast would add another 5 minutes onto my day.
And then they are done. And while I anxiously am STILL looking at the clock, I am also now gazing at the pile of dishes that are usually not in my sink so early in the morning. My OCD brain tries to tell me to leave them be, but it drives me crazy to think of them just sitting in the sink. Dirty. Just waiting to be washed. Trying to configure in my brain if I have a spare minute or two to at least wash two dishes and slide them in the dishwasher. Sigh. So thus it begins. The dishes have been sitting there until after dinner this entire week. (You really have no idea how much this bothers me lol)
Then it comes time to pack Kahlen’s lunch. Since she got a new “Monster High” lunch box, she INSISTS that she thinks everything on the hot school lunch menu is “Ew mom”. So every day we have to pick out what she wants for lunch. It usually consists of healthy things. On Wednesday Jeff put in a small bag of Doritos. Needless to say when I checked her lunchbox at the end of the day the Doritos were long gone but half of her turkey sandwich still remained 😉
Regardless of the new morning routine or how tired and worn out I am, I am proud of them. I am proud of Kahlen for being so brave. She has gone to school with the same classmates for 3 years now, and I haven’t heard her complain once about missing her old school. She’s making new friends and honestly it’s a relief to see. The past few months at her old school have been rough. She’s gotten into quite a bit of trouble (part of it I believe is her, although a part of it I believe has to do with the “reputation” her teachers had given her) You know what I’m talking about. Once a teacher has it in his/her mind of how a kid acts/behaves, etc. etc., everything little thing is taken out of proportion. I honestly believe they had a negative perspective view towards Kahlen so that every little thing she would do wrong she would receive backlash or attitude from her teachers. Maybe that’s just me being a mom and thinking that’s not the personality of my child. But they don’t see her like I do. I see the girl who gives up everything to her little sister. The girl who gives everyone hugs. The girl who is so sensitive to other people’s feelings that it amazes me she is only 5 years old. The girl who just wants everyone to be her friend…
When she got home from her first day on Monday I asked her how it went. Her first words to me? “Nobody was mean to me mom!” And it was those words that made my heart break. What has this world come to that my FIVE year old–FIVE year old–says that about her first day in Kindergarten? She came home excited and happy…but to have to state the fact that nobody was mean to her? To me that means she was worried about it before she even went. And that she was surprised when everyone she met was nice and respectful. It’s sad. It’s sad that kids so young are worrying about being bullied. Those thoughts should have never crossed her mind to begin with, much less begin able to notice the fact that everyone was nice to her…Why are kids so mean?
Kahlen is adjusting well. She loves her teacher, loves her classmates, and loves everything she is learning. It amazes me how much she has learned in the 3 1/2 days she has been there. I asked her what she learned today and she started using sign language. My five year old was teaching ME four different “signs” and what they meant. Loving your family, thinking, more, and liking. I love that she’s learning diverse things and not just the standard old school things like we used to learn when I was younger. Because of where we live, we had to enroll them in a private school because frankly public schools just aren’t an option around us. (Unless of course, you’d like your child to learn how to use a gun at 8 years old). You may think I’m being sarcastic but no. Far, far from it. The private school is religion focused, and although I was slightly apprehensive at first, I already love it. They teach them things based on Jesus. Teach them life lessons based on the Bible and how Jesus would portray certain things and how Jesus would act in certain situations. They teach them right and wrong and how to respect each other which I think is extremely important in today’s society. But they do it in a way that a five year old understands. It’s not like when I was in CCD when I was younger. Pardon my french, but I didn’t learn a damn thing. They taught by reading words and scriptures from the Bible instead of putting it in terminology and context that was suitable for certain age groups.
Ashlee is having a harder time adjusting. Drop off is hard for her. Her teachers can hear her screaming from down the hallway. She’s fine once we leave, but leaving us is always hard. I figure it’ll be this way for awhile. She’s just in that clingy stage. And change has to be hard for her right now being how young she is. She’s always excited when I pick her up though. Showing me her new projects. (Today she made a turtle!) Hearing her explain things is the cutest. She talks in that fun 2 year old language that is clear yet hard to understand at the same time lol.
I realized this week that my girls are growing up. Gone are the days that I was able to rock Kahlen to sleep at night. I look at her and I see a real person, not just a toddler. I see her personality (and her divaness) shine through daily. She reminds me so much of myself that sometimes I worry about her because she is so sensitive. I am hopeful that this school is a good fit for her. I think it will be. She needs structure, needs positive reinforcement and I think she is already getting that. It’s good to see her so excited about learning again. I feel like she had lost that little spark these past few months.
Watching them walking into their new school this week holding hands, backpacks in tow…it made my heart smile. It also made me wish we would have had a third child…because I feel like the growing up is happening too fast. And seeing the two of them interact with each other and the love they show each other gives me a feeling that is indescribable.
I am proud of them. But I am also proud of Jeff and I. Because these two spunky, full of life, smart, polite, beautiful, empathetic little girls are what we created. Kahlen only has one first day of Kindergarten. And it was beautiful. Every bit chaotic, loving, and exciting, heartbreaking, and anxiety producing that I pictured it to be. Words can’t explain how deeply proud of the sweetheart she has grown to be.
I wonder what you’re doing right now
and if everyone is treating you kind.
I hope there is a special person,
a nice friend that you can find.I wonder if the teacher know just
how special you are to me.
And if the brightness of your heart
is something she can see.I wonder if you are thinking about
me and if you need a hug.
I already miss the sound of your voice
and how you give my leg a tug.I wonder if you could possibly understand
how hard it is for me to let you grow.
On this day know that my heart breaks,
for this is the first step in letting my baby go.
Live and Let Go 